In my childhood I dreamed to make peace between my parents who often fought. I grew up but the desire to make peace and bring people together strengthened and evolved into an entire profession. During my teen years I lived within my family project. At first I got a financial degree and then another degree in international economics. I didn’t care much really. In my parents’ view it was secure and prestige, so I went there. Studying at college and university sucked, I didn’t have the slightest desire to excel.
I could not help waiting to get a passport at 16. Because with a passport I could get employed and paid, thus get more independence from my family. I worked at the construction site, car wash, handing out leaflets. When I was 18 I joined a university and at the same time I found myself a job, so I could accumulate enough money to go to USA. During daytime I was at the university and evenings and nights I usually spent at work. I strongly wanted to run away somewhere. Run away from my surroundings and from myself. Often I felt like an outcast, weird, strange, a black ship. I was ashamed of it for a long time.
Well, I never managed to sneak away from my surroundings. I may not had had enough courage or negative motivation. Meaning, that it may not had been that bad, so I could had freaked out and just gone away. It is well known that more or less psychologically traumatized people tend to study psychology professionally. They are motivated by the desire to help others or save the world, which is an upside down unconscious desire to save themselves, to get help for themselves.
So, they are traumatized, but not too bad, thus they have a capacity to realize the need to help others. This path inevitably, in a good case scenario, leads them to learning how to take a good care of themselves and how to ask and accept help from others. From the point where an individual heals his/hers wounds from trauma and there are only scars left, an individual acquires a therapeutic strength to help other people. And the “skin” around scars gets extraordinary sensitive but not vulnerable. As my deceased teacher Alexander Mohovikov said, therapists grow out of clients. Personal experience of being in therapy creates the necessary solid foundation on which professional identity develops.
Before I got into a training program for gestalt-therapists and started my own therapy within the program I spent three years (2008-2011) searching for an alternative way of living to what my family and school prepared me for. I tried as hard as I could to expand my worldview and expand the area of awareness and perception of life. I wanted to learn what else is there to be had, what else is there to be found, apart from what I have in my personal experience. My salvation were books, lectures, videos in the Internet. As I learnt more about myself and other people, and acquired new experience, many problems just dropped off, as I did not need them anymore. Curiosity and passion for life left no room for them.
Our weaknesses are a continuation of our strengths. In my case it looks as follows. For instance, such weakness as low self-esteem, being uncertain in the ability to succeed, anxiety and fear of failure create an excessive accuracy, inaction, idleness, shyness. On the other side of the extremum low-self esteem contains diligence, extraordinary desire to succeed, humility, willingness to work more for less reward or even without such at all. On the long runs these traits of character brought me a lot of good. They help to achieve the impossible, if you just get up and do it, every day, restlessly. Fortunately, years in therapy smoothed sharp edges of myself. There are times in life for selflessness and sacrifice and there are times for thoughtfulness, self-care and service to others with joy and gratitude.
Today, I’ve achieved a certain level of freedom of my thoughts and feelings. There is a lot of joy and satisfaction in it. Having acquired excellent psychotherapeutic education and training from the honored masters of gestalt-therapy in Ukraine, Russia and Belarus (look Background page) at 2014 I started my practice in psychotherapy and counselling in Kiev and online all over the world in Russian and English languages. I will be happy to share with you what I know! I am ready to help you to resolve an internal conflict, relationship problem or some other issue that you struggle with!